I've been an avid romance reader for years. There's just something about that push and pull, the will they or won't they, the tear-stained giggles when a character adds levity to one of those crucial, emotional scenes. Oh! The binging. The needing more. The best first kisses. The hot, steamy stories. The tension. The first glances into the a window of a brand new world. The constant urge to tell people about something I loved. All the romance.
Book after book. I'd been seduced by Romance—and she's a temptress, carrying chocolate, playing your favorite songs, buying you dinner, saying all the right things, laughing at your jokes, and getting you off. Watch out for her because she can bleed into everything in your life. I kind of lived for it.
See, I had a blog before I wrote full-time. Time. Ha! Back then, I had so much time. Like a crazy amount of time. Looking back, I can't see how it was possible to be that productive.
Danny and I had only been married a few years.
We'd just bought a new house.
After twelve years at my previous job, I was a year into a newer, more challenging one.
We got a dog.
I had friends everywhere! We couldn't sit still for a weekend.
I commuted an hour a day, where I'd listen to books or music or just plotted and thought.
On average, I read five books a week.
I wrote my first two novels.
We traveled to a dozen new cities.
AND HAD A PRETTY BADASS blog on top of everything.
I was so hungry for the good life, desperate to find my place. But the whole time I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I didn't realize I was already there.
Where's my boner for life now?
Writing is my full-time job, for which I am truly humbled and grateful. But my drive from a few years ago? She gone. She took the kids, the car, the house, and the check book.
Over the past few years, things have changed. I've changed. Suddenly, I realized something important had faded away. Something was missing. I was missing.
This year when I was writing my annual What Mo Wants in 2018 list, I realized what it was. And it was this. Writing to an audience. Sharing my life. Sharing myself.
When I blogged, it felt like such an outlet. A sounding board. A megaphone to the world. A soap box sometimes, but it was me. This voice—my voice—is something that I need to be me. The real me. And back then, honey, she was getting out there. She was working it.
I suppose I thought that since my new "official job" was writing fiction, my passion, that I'd be totally fulfilled and that's just what I would do and be happy. I was writing for a living, y'all. That was the dream! I must have been content and enjoying my best life, right? If I'm being honest, I wasn't.
Seriously. It's about to get really real-life right now.
The house is a wreck.
I haven't showered in two days.
My marriage, or rather my wife-ing, is mediocre at best.
I rarely see my truest, oldest friends.
I've only read two books this year.
I've gained fifteen*cough* twenty pounds.
My dog doesn't get walked nearly enough and is constantly throwing shade.
I barely even admit to myself what my goals are out of fear of failing at them.
I'm distracted from every project I start.
I haven't driven my car more than three times this month.
And I had to cut back my singings this summer to one.
Let me be frank… this isn't living my dreams, folks! Doesn't sound romantic. Sounds sad to me.
But with my personal life suffering—because I should be living my best life after all—at least professionally, I must be doing well. Because with all this time to write, I should be just slaying it.
It is my job after all.
Yeah, about that—not so much.
I'm well on my way through my next manuscript. Even a little ahead maybe for the time and completely in love with it. So that's good (really great, actually). However, it's not even the book I'm supposed to be writing. On my handy-dandy 2018 failure … ahem… goal list, I wanted to release a book in April.
Um. Hello? Spoiler Alert: That didn't happen.
I call, "Bullshit," on myself.
Change is coming. I miss the romance! I miss the blogging! I miss my gusto and dammit, I'm getting it back now. Here. With you.
I can't really have a tag-line like Real-life Romance in the state I'm in. It’s a lie. I can't live a lie. I mean, I write fiction, but come-the-eff-on. It's time to get real. This life of mine is out of hand, and ain't nobody like, "Wish I was Mo. She's really bending life over and pulling it's hair."
Because I'm not.
But I want to.
So I'm gonna.
It's a double rainbow! What does it mean?
Basically, I'm romancing myself back to life—the real-life that I want. And since I don't need another thing to half-ass, I haven't come unprepared. I've made a list of things that I want to improve, or romance as I'm calling it, in my life. Some are very personal. Some are more along the lines of what I can do to be a better writer, reader, friend, peer, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, homeowner, business owner, dog owner, food lover, music lover, travel lover, lover-lover, woman, and human. Additionally, I'm going to journal and share with you how I'm doing it. (Well, I might keep some of the lover stuff private ;) But let's face it, probably not.
Will it work? Who knows. What I can tell you is there are places in my everyday life and my professional life that I want more out of. Guys, I can do better than this!
So what better way than to romance my way back. When I say that I don't really mean woo or seduce. But what would the harm be in showing different facets of my life more love? More attention. More care. More thoughtfulness. I don't see how that could be bad for me, and the added bonus is I have something to write about that's REAL. That's me.
After deciding what was missing and making solid plans to get it back (*cue triumphant music* I'm such a hero…pffft), the first thing I had to do was give my renewed voice a good home. A place where it is comfortable and cozy and welcoming. Somewhere you'll like visiting and spending a few minutes with me every week or so.
In short, my website needed a makeover.—and that's where this new journey begins.
Next week, I'll share with you How I Real-Life Romanced my website. You know? That platform that was all mine that I treated worse than my first dorm room. Yeah, that's the one.
If you'd like to come with me on this epic reclaiming of my personal Real-Life Romance, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter where you'll get all of the highlights from the month. That's right. Ain't nobody got time for a newsletter every time I take a shit. Let's face it: YOU DON'T CARE. lol But if you're really into me, follow me on social media where I try to act my age and fail daily. And if you check out my books, I hope you enjoy them!
All my love,